Now that we have posted our RSA Conference Guide, we can get back to lampooning the annual ritual of trying to get folks to scan their badges on the show floor. Great perspective here from Ranum on the bad behavior you’ll see next week, all in the name of lead generation. I’m not sure if I should be howling or repulsed by this idea:

“this afternoon I was standing in my studio looking at some high-heeled stripper shoes (in my size) some fishnet stockings, and a knife-pleated Japanese Schoolgirl skirt (also in my size) and thinking “It’s too cold to do this …” Or something like that. My plan was to take a photograph of myself in “booth uniform” from the waist down, and my normal business-casual-slacker from the waist up. Because I threatened my boss that I’d work our booth at the conference wearing high heels and stockings.”

Ranum in high heels and stockings is probably a pretty effective way to get out of jury duty as well. Marcus figures booth babes with platform shoes establish solid security credibility, right? What about vehicles?

I also wanted to see if we could get an old WWII Sherman Tank to park by our booth, because apparently having a ridiculously irrelevant vehicle parked at your booth says a great deal about how well your products work.

I wonder how much the union workers at Moscone would charge to place a Sherman tank on the show floor? But more seriously, what do these irrelevant vehicles have to do with security? Damn Ranum, asking these kinds of questions:

How does dollars spent, length of inseam, or miles per hour, correlate to telling us something useful about: The quality of the product? How well it meets customers’ needs? How easy the product is to use? The company’s ability to innovate?

Actually – it tells me quite a lot. It tells me I’m looking at a company that has a marketing organization that’s as out of touch as the management team that approved that booth set-up. Here’s a good idea: replace the Ferrari with a cardboard cut-out of a Ferrari and use the money you just saved to hire a new marketing team.

But evidently there is another way:

And I remember how, last year, I went by Palo Alto’s booth and Nir Zuk, the founder, was doing the pitches to a massive crowd – and answering some pretty crunchy technical question, too. (No: Nir was not in a miniskirt) That’s the kind of performance that would impress me if I were shopping for a company to invest in on their IPO. That’s the kind of performance that might interest me enough to take a look at their product – instead of their founder’s butt.

Though if a security company founder has a butt worth looking at, well I’m probably OK with that…

Yes, I’m kidding. See you next week at RSAC…