Evilsquirrel Enterprises Announces North American Expansion
Leaders in world domination to expand geographic services.
Undisclosed HQ, USA, Oct. 31, 2006 – Evilsquirrel Enterprises, the leading provider of world domination services, announced today that they are leveraging their best-in-class international infrastructure to expand into the North American market. As the preeminent world domination specialists, enterprises now have a truly global provider offering unmatched services and support.
“Our success at Evilsquirrel is that we listen to our customers,” said Squirrelzilla, CEO of Evilquirrel Enterprises. “Their screams of agony feed our demonic souls and desire to torture and dominate the market. Our victims customers have consistently cried in terror and fear for our expansion into North America. As a customer-focused organization we wanted to ensure our infrastructure, support services, and attack sales force were completely prepared to dominate the North American defenses markets before launching our expansion.”
The Only Name in World Domination
Evilsquirrel Enterprises is the global leader in world domination; providing unmatched international services for a decade. Their exclusive Fuzzy Technology (TM) and Claws of Death (TM) combine to offer an industry-unique, multilayered, attack-in-depth, solution capable of overwhelming traditional security solutions in record time.
The Best Defense
Once in place, Evilsquirrel utilizes their patent-pending Stop-Em-Cold (TM) defensive arsenal to stabilize entrenchment and prevent further incursion into their territory. Stop-Em-Cold (TM) defends against all zero day attacks using a holistic solution that integrates the end-to-end synergies in security infrastructure with no false positives.
Evilsquirrel Enterprises’ North American expansion will enter general availability at sunset today. “Don’t worry,” states Frankensquirrel, Chief Scientist and Chef. “Evilsquirrel will be in your location before you know it. Our unparalleled attack sales force recognizes that rapid expansion leads to total market domination, and we’ll be destroying available in your location in record time”
Evilsquirrel Enterprises and the Evilsquirrel logo are trademarks of Evilsquirrel Enterprises, LLC. Use without permission is punishable by torture and death.
All other brand or product names are trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective holders.
(Happy Halloween! Bonus points if anyone can figure out which real press release I modeled this after.)