I suppose that, all things considered, I’m a pretty nice guy. I tip well, stop my car so people can cross the street, and always put my laptop bag under the seat in front of me, instead of taking up valuable overhead luggage space.

While I have had plenty of jobs that required the use of physical force over the years, I always made sure to keep my professional detachment and use the minimum amount necessary. (Okay, that’s to keep my ass out of jail as much as anything else, but still…).

And animals? I’m a total sucker for them. I don’t mean in an inappropriate way, but I think they are just so darn cute. We even donate a bunch to local shelters and the Phoenix Zoo. Heck, all our cats are basically rescues… one of which randomly showed up in a relative’s yard during a BBQ, severely injured, and which we nursed back to health and kept.

Which is why my current murderous rampage against the birds crapping on our patio is completely out of character.

We like birds. We even used to fill a bird feeder in the yard. Then all our trees grew out, and it seems we have the best shade in the neighborhood. On any given day, once the temperature tops 100 or so, our back patio is covered with dozens of birds doing nothing more than standing in the shade and crapping.

And you know what birds eat, don’t you? Berries. Lots and lots of berries. Think they digest it all? Think again. Our patio is stained so badly we will never be able to get it clean. How do I know? I paid someone to power spray and hand scrub it with the kinds of chemicals banned from Fukushima – all to no avail. Not even with the special stuff I smuggled across the border from Mexico.

They’ve even hit my grill. The bastards.

I’ve tried all sorts of things to keep them away, but I suspect I’ll need to build out something using an Arduino and chainsaw by next summer. This year is a loss – 2 weeks after the big cleaning, even with me spraying it down every few days, out patio is unusable.

I haven’t killed them yet. To be honest I don’t think that will work – more likely it would just land me on the local news. But I do grill a lot more chicken and turkey out there. Oh yeah, smell the sweet smell of superior birds roasting in agony.

Hey… did you hear some dudes named DigiNotar got hacked?

On to the Summary:

Webcasts, Podcasts, Outside Writing, and Conferences

Favorite Securosis Posts

  • Adrian Lane: Security Management 2.0: Vendor Evaluation. Mike’s pushing the envelope here, but this is the only way to figure out how the product really works.
  • Mike Rothman & David Mortman: Data Security Lifecycle 2.0. With this cloud stuff, our underlying computing foundation is changing. This post assembles a lot of the latest and greatest about how to protect the data.

Other Securosis Posts

Favorite Outside Posts

Research Reports and Presentations

Top News and Posts

Blog Comment of the Week

Remember, for every comment selected, Securosis makes a $25 donation to Hackers for Charity. This week’s best comment goes to Russ, in response to Incite 9/7/2011: Decisions, Decisions.

Re Please Stop! Dear Adrian, While I believe one of the useful roles Securosis can play in the industry is to help turn down the hype on over-blown issues, in this particular case I’m not sure I agree with your conclusion. I spent a career in aviation safety, and found that what the average line pilot was talking about every day had nowhere near the amount of aviation safety content we as aviation safety advocates thought to be adequate (an example would be the extraneous cockpit conversation prior to the Colgan Air Flight 3407 crash in Buffalo). Could it be that the fact APTs is not brought up in your daily conversations with firms could be an indication of how far we have to go in creating a better awareness of red-flag situations? Just a thought…