It’s time for a good old fashion beatdown. Personally I’m working hard on not overreacting to stuff and letting most annoyances (which would normally set me off) pass on by. But sometimes, you know, a purge is required. It kind of reminds me of that great scene in 48 Hours, where Nick Nolte tells Eddie Murphy to be cool when they enter a bar to question someone. Nolte then proceeds to tear the place apart and when Murphy says “I thought you said to be cool,” the response is “That was cool.” Sometimes it’s cool to swing the clue bat.

The target of my Louisville Slugger is this nonsense from Justin Rattner of Intel about a new technology that will be able to stop 0-day attacks. There are lots of smart people at Intel, who very well may have come up with something novel. But don’t waste our time until you can talk about it. Why? Because it’s useless to dangle yet another carrot in front of a disillusioned and frustrated security community. You don’t look smart – you look like an ass to us security folks.

You read the article and thought the same thing: Another damn vendor is going to ride in on yet another horse and make our problems go away. Let’s just say security folks have heard this story before. Pretty much every year there is a new shiny object positioned as the answer to all our problems. There is a whole lot of security technology roadkill, now swept under the carpets, that made the same claim.

Sorry, Intel. Your technology is not the answer. Unless it involves disconnecting all those PCs or phones or tablets or smart TVs from the network. Your suppositions and empty claims are insulting to all the folks who work their asses off every day to keep the attackers out of the crap that you and Microsoft have been shoving up our asses for the last twenty years.

And one other thing, Intel: you are in the process of trying to acquire McAfee. One widespread concern is that an Intel + McAfee combination would provide an unfair advantage in the security market by bundling security into chips. So to go out and say you’ve got some new technology that you can’t talk about, which may or may not involve McAfee’s stuff, a few months before the deal closes, seems pretty stupid to me. Good thing I’m not an EU anti-trust official, eh?

Let’s just say that if the deal closes, I hope our friends at McAfee teach you Intel folks a little bit about the security mindset. We security folks don’t believe you. Show us, don’t tell us. Prove that it can stop 0-day attacks. Let smart folks try to break it. Until then, you are just the latest in a long line of posers that have promised the world and ultimately delivered nothing.